Honest review of Crotch Goblin

by Van Haney (Author)

Updated at: 20/02/2025

Kayla Nelson’s life in Los Angeles is a whirlwind of parties, modeling friends, and casual encounters. But her carefree existence takes a terrifying turn after a drug-fueled one-night stand leaves her inexplicably pregnant with a monstrous, life-draining creature – a crotch goblin. Trapped in a seedy motel room, Kayla finds herself in a desperate race against time, pursued by both the police and an ancient, sinister society. Van Haney’s Crotch Goblin is a bloody, visceral horror novel blending the wild energy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with the unsettling dread of Rosemary’s Baby. This is a party girl's nightmare, a fight for survival against unimaginable odds, where the stakes are higher than any hangover.

Crotch Goblin: The partys over when a monster is born, and a womans wild nights turn into a deadly chase. (Celestial Research Society)

4.3 / 9 ratings

Review Crotch Goblin

Okay, so, Crotch Goblin. Let's just start with the title – it's gloriously trashy and undeniably catchy. That alone had me hooked! The book itself is a wild ride, a chaotic blend of LA party girl shenanigans and full-blown, ancient-evil horror. I'll admit, the beginning is a little slow; we're introduced to Kayla and her crew, these fabulous, self-absorbed, party-animal friends, and it takes a minute to get a feel for their dynamic. But trust me, the pacing picks up fast.

Kayla, the protagonist, is wonderfully flawed. She's not your typical heroine; she's messy, impulsive, and utterly believable. You can almost smell the cheap tequila and regret hanging in the air around her. She's easy to relate to, even if you wouldn't want to be her. Her friends, too, feel incredibly real – the kind of crew you either love fiercely or want to run screaming from, but they are undeniably compelling characters. The author really captures that specific blend of loyalty, competitiveness, and shared secrets that defines many close-knit friend groups, particularly amongst those in the social scene of a place like LA. These are characters you could easily picture bumping into at a trendy bar or a house party – and that realism is a huge part of what makes the story so effective.

Then, bam! The horror kicks in. The reveal of her pregnancy and the subsequent discovery of…well, let's just say the "crotch goblin" is pretty shocking. The shift in tone is abrupt but perfectly executed. It takes the hedonistic, fun-loving beginning and flips it on its head, throwing Kayla (and the reader) into a terrifying and unexpected situation. The dual storylines – the party girl life and the growing supernatural threat – intertwine masterfully, building suspense and keeping you guessing until the very end.

The author doesn't shy away from the gore, but it's not gratuitous. It serves the story, enhancing the horror and emphasizing the stakes. And the pacing during the chase scenes is phenomenal. You're constantly on the edge of your seat, desperate to know what happens next. The whole experience is like watching a train wreck in slow motion – you know it's going to be awful, but you can't look away.

What truly impressed me, beyond the thrilling plot, is the underlying social commentary. The book subtly examines themes of casual sex, societal expectations, and the consequences of unchecked hedonism. The ending leaves you questioning everything, pondering the choices made, and wondering about the moral implications. It’s not just a fun, scary read; it’s a story that sticks with you long after you’ve turned the final page. Honestly, I'm already eagerly awaiting a sequel. Highly recommend!